


Campdogs (pt. 1)

by littlemissvincentvega



Series: Campdogs [1]
Category: Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Genre: Campfires, Camping, Explicit Language, Homophobic Language, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 01:04:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19757425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissvincentvega/pseuds/littlemissvincentvega
Summary: the reservoir dogs & eddie all go camping together! requested by my lovely friend @casstayinmyass





	Campdogs (pt. 1)

“Where’s the cigs? Where are my _fuckin’_ cigs?!” spits Mr. Pink, twisting and turning in the backseat, fumbling around trying to find the pack.

“Would you sit still?” sighs White from the driver’s seat, glancing at him through the lopsided rear view mirror. “Thought you quit, anyways?”

“I did.” He glares at Brown, who is squinting at his Gameboy. “Are you quite finished?”

…

Nothing. “Hello? Am I fuckin’ invisible?”

“Huh?” Brown mumbles, eyes fixated on the screen.

Slightly disgruntled, Mr. White turns to Pink, hands clamped on the wheel. “Can you just leave him to play on his video game and stop bein’ a little shit about it? Please?”

“A half hour. A _half hour_ of that _shitty_ Tetris playin’ over and over, so ex-fuckin-scuse me if it starts to grate!” Pink scowls, crossing his arms and rolling the window down. Sighing dramatically, he stares out of it, not a word more. 

“I beat my high score!” exclaims Brown, a few minutes later.

Orange turns around to him, his head between the two front seats. “Nice one, man. Gimme a turn now?”

“Sure,” he says, passing it over. Pink watches this from the corner of his eye, secretly wanting a turn, but he isn’t prepared to swallow his pride– not now, not ever.

“Hey, White, how long till we get there?” Brown asks.

“Uh… ‘bout an hour or so? Ain’t so sure, how long we been on the road?”

Brown checks his watch. “Forty-six minutes exactly.”

“Yeah, ‘bout an hour then, if the traffic treats us well.”

-

“How d’ya think Pink’s copin’ with Brown, then?” Blonde asks, a smirk present on his lips. He’s driving the other car accompanied by Mr. Blue and Nice Guy Eddie, and it’s a million times less drama-filled than White’s.

Eddie scoffs. “Fuck knows. Probably strangled him by now,” he says, and the three guys share a chuckle.

“You should give ‘em a call, I could use some entertainment.”

Eddie grins mischievously and pulls out his clunky-ass cellphone, dialling Mr. Pink’s number. “Hello??”

“Pink, it’s Ed. How’s it with you guys?” he asks, sharing a smirk with Blonde.

“It’s fuckin’ impeccable.”

“Less of the attitude, motherfucker.”

“Ask him how Mr. Brown is,” whispers Blonde, nudging Eddie.

“How’s Brown?” Ed sniggers.

“Don’t talk to me about that– that little retard!” Pink splutters, eyeballing Brown.

Eddie tuts loudly. “What did I say about the attitude? How far away are you guys, anyway?”

“I dunno, like an hour, White said earlier?”

“A’ight. Sive drafely, man.”

“What?”

Eddie sighs, smiling at Blonde. “Just don’t fuckin’ crash the car, okay? I’ll see you guys later.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

-

At least an hour and a half later, White pulls over, the wheels crumbling over the gravel. Mr. Orange flings the door open and jumps out, looking up at the trees towering over them. Rather than staying at a family-friendly campsite type of place, Eddie had opted for a slightly dangerous forest that a friend of Joe’s had recommended. There’s no sound of human civilisation to be heard, only the rustling of leaves and sweet birdsong, though White suspects that it wouldn’t be quite so uneventful when dusk arrives. “It’s so warm,” says Orange, taking off his leather jacket and chucking it on the passenger seat.

“It’s _too_ warm,” Pink groans. “Christ, even my asscrack is sweaty.”

“Do you have to?” asks White, screwing his nose up in disgust. “We’re surrounded by all this beautiful nature and you’re talkin’ about your asscrack?” He places his hands on his hips waiting for Pink’s response.

“What do you expect me to do? _Not_ tell you?”

White chuckles, defeated, and opens the trunk. “Jesus Christ. C’mon, help me get the tent out.” Despite Mr. Pink’s concerted effort in trying to convince Eddie to let him have his _own_ tent ( _”I need fuckin’ privacy, come on!”_ ), he had been unsuccessful. “I’ll share with Mr. Blonde, you share with Mr. Blue and Mr. Brown, White can share with Orange,” he had decided.

“Can’t he help instead? It’s boiling,” complains Pink, nodding at Brown– he’s slumped in the backseat with his head leaning against the car door and his mouth wide open, fast asleep.

“Nah, he’s sleepin’, leave him to it for a bit. I’m not havin’ you two bickering while we set up the tent.”

Pink huffs, scowling at White when he has his back turned, but helps heave the tent out of the trunk while Orange gets everyone’s belongings out of the car. White looks up at him with a smile. “Thanks, kid, just leave ‘em there.”

“Sure.” Just as he says this, the other car pulls up a little too close to Pink, who screeches when he almost gets run over. “What the fuck was that, man?!” he splutters, waving his arms about at Mr. Blonde.

“Oh, sorry, didn’t see ya there,” Blonde sniggers, stepping out of the car, the gravel crunching beneath his cowboy boots. Pink throws a dirty look and continues to help lay out the tent. “Where’s Brown?”

“Asleep,” Orange mutters.

“What’s up, fuckers?” bellows Eddie, striding out of the car and stretching. “Woah, fuckin’ beautiful here, huh?” he adds, admiring the scenery.

Blue emerges from the backseat, his hair a little fluffed up– presumably, he had been asleep for some of the journey. “Not bad here,” he remarks, whipping out his cigar and lighting it, his moustache furrowing.

It’s almost as if Mr. Brown has spidey-senses or something– at that moment, he had stirred, taking a minute to fully wake up. “Oh, hey guys!” he beams, knocking on the car window and waving at the other Dogs.

“Christ, here we go…” Pink mutters under his breath.

Yawning, Brown jumps out of the car. “How can I help? I wanna help!”

“By gettin’ back in the car?”

“Huh?” asks Brown, not catching what Pink says and marching over to White & Orange. After a LOT of bickering and arguing about how to put up the tents, the boys finally stand back and admire their handiwork. By now, the sky has turned a beautiful honey shade, the warm colours melting into one another.

-

“Where’s the damn food?” Eddie asks. All of the guys are sitting around a campfire that Blonde had managed to light (after a good round of arguing, obviously).

Blonde shrugs. “Thought Brown was s’posed to bring it?”

“Was I?”

If looks could kill, Brown would have been laying dead right then and there. Pink glares at him, not even blinking. “Yes,” he says through gritted teeth, “you were.”

Brown laughs nervously, six pairs of eyes on him. “No I wasn’t– you guys put me in charge of snacks.”

“Kid, we put you in charge of _food._ Y’know, as in the shit we’d hafta cook up & eat?” answers White, keeping his cool. “But what snacks did you bring?”

Brown jumps up and fetches his bag of food while the guys share pitiful glances with one another. “Uhh… Oreos, potato chips, some Wonka candy, Dunkaroos, cheese balls and… Hubba Bubba.”

“Hubba Bubba? You brought _gum?_ That ain’t a fuckin’ snack,” Eddie scoffs, chuckling.

“I know, but it tastes good.”

“So what you’re sayin’ is you brought fuckin’ kiddie food,” Pink scowls. Although pissed off (it doesn’t take much let’s be honest), he snatches the cheese balls off of Brown and crams a few in his mouth.

Orange shrugs, leaning over and taking the Wonka candy. “I don’t care, this shit’s pretty good. S’better than nothin’.”

“Yeah. Pass me some balls, Mr. Pussy,” Eddie smirks.

To make things easier, Brown lays down a scarf of his (he had packed three, just in case) and carefully places all of the snacks on it. It’s a strange concoction, admittedly, but like Orange had said, better than nothing.

-

As dusk approaches, the sky is a deep purple and the wind rustles through the trees. It’s slightly eerie, but the atmosphere is light, so none of them really mind. They’re all still around the fire, now lying on blankets Brown had packed, sharing stories and having the occasional bicker. “Do you guys believe in werewolves?”

“What?”

The guys blink at Brown, who’s gazing up at the moon. He’s laying wrapped in his blankets with his hands behind his head. “I was just thinkin’ about An American Werewolf In L–”

“No, hold up. What the fuck does that have to do with our damn conversation?” Blonde demands, chuckling. He takes a drag of his cigarette and exchanges a smirk with Eddie.

“It doesn’t.”

“Christ, that’s my cue to leave. I’m tired,” Blue sighs, smiling to himself. “You guys are too much.”

“If you’re sure. Night, man,” Ed smiles. The other guys say goodnight and watch Mr. Blue disappear into the biggest tent (which, to be honest, isn’t so big). Blonde flicks the ash from his cig into the fire, his baby blue eyes lit up from the gentle flames.

Fidgeting slightly, Brown flops onto his back, putting his hands behind his head. “Camping is boring.”

“No, it’s fuckin’ dangerous is what it is,” Pink huffs.

White looks at him, nudging Orange with a smug smile. “Alright Mr. Expert, why’s it so dangerous?”

Pink sits upright and glares at him. “Well… well– what if a fuckin’ bear mauls us?”

“Be a fuckin’ miracle if he mauls you, that’s just about the only thing that’d shut your goddamn mouth.”

“Fuck you, man! I gotta take a squirt, where’s the bathroom?”

Pink looks across at Eddie, who shrugs. “How the fuck should I know?”

“Well where am I supposed to piss?”

“Blonde’s hair. Could use a wash.”

Vic drops his cigarette at the sound of this. A perfect opportunity to play-fight. “You’re a little bitch, anyone ever told you that?” he chuckles, pouncing on his chubby friend and tackling him to the ground, soiling that violently blurple windbreaker jacket of his. “I’ll piss in your fuckin’ mouth, ya little bastard!”

Eddie breaks into laughter, struggling to get Vic in a headlock as they tumble around. Meanwhile, the other guys are sat blinking at one another– it’s safe to say that random outbreaks of play-fighting between those two are a regular occurrence. “Brown, you come with me, I can’t deal with all this gayness. You need a piss too?” Pink sighs, grabbing a flashlight from his bag.

“Yeah, I guess we can do it on a tree.”

With that, the two saunter off to go find a spot away from the other guys, leaving Orange and White to deal with Ed & Vic. “You two fuckasses finished yet?” White pipes up, running a hand through his hair and earning a snicker from Orange.

Panting, Eddie breaks away from Vic, shoving him back down and taking a seat himself. He wipes his sweaty forehead with his sleeve, his cheeks rosy. “Think so. Think I won there, don’cha agree, Blondie?”

“I think _I_ fuckin’ won, Edward.”

“Agree to disagree?”

“Bunch a queers, you guys,” Orange sniggers, nudging White.

“Oh yeah? What are you two then? You’re practically White’s twink!” Eddie retorts. He throws a couple of cheeseballs at them both as they all share a chuckle, the fire still crackling and throwing white-hot lashes at their skin. Sighing in contentment, he lays down (not bothered in the least about the dirty ground), gazing up at the sky– upon seeing this, the other Dogs do the same, admiring the masses of tiny stars. 

-

“HEEEELP!!”

…

“HELLO? AM I FUCKIN’ INVISIBLE? HEEEEELP!!”

Pink looks around in a panic, his head whipping from one direction to another. How the hell did they even manage to do this? _‘I swear,’_ he thinks, _‘if I die here tonight I’ll make it fuckin’ known it was Brown’s fault.’_

“Uh, Pink?”

_“What?”_

“Uh, technically if you were invisible they could still hear you, like, it’s in the name, man. In _visible_? Like vision? So they’d still be able–”

Pink cuts brown off with one of his deadly glares. He’s impatient at the best of times, but they’d managed to get lost in the middle of a pitch-black forest at night-time with no cellphone, no way of contacting the others and, worse of all, stuck with Mr. Brown. Trying to keep calm, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Just help me yell for them, alright?”

“They _should_ be able to hear, I mean, it’s not like we’re _that_ far away.”

He scoffs, marching in what they assume is the direction they came in. “We wouldn’t _have_ to yell if you’d have just listened to me.”

“Fuck you, man, I didn’t do anything!”

“ _‘Ooh, let’s take this fuckin’ turn,’_ ” Pink mocks in a higher-pitched voice, waving his hands around, “ _‘Yeah, that’s really fuckin’ safe, why don’t we just get our dicks out and stick a sign there sayin’ ‘FREE FOOD’ for the bears to see?’_ ”

Frowning to himself, Brown quietens down, trailing behind him like an ashamed puppy. He kicks a few twigs as he saunters behind Pink, wishing they could just get back already. After a couple of silent minutes (aside from the sound of wet leaves beneath their feet, the swishing of leaves in the night’s winds and the very distant smell of the smoke from their campfire), he speaks. “What if somethin’ bad happened to ‘em?”

“Shut up, nothin’ bad’ll’ve happened. Even if it has, they’ve got their guns. So shut up, they’re fine.” Although it’s in a snappy manner, it’s Pink’s best effort at showing a smidge of reassurance.

“If you say so, man. Sorry if I, uh, y’know, pissed you off back there.”

“Whatever, it’s nothin’. Just help me yell for ‘em, knowing those queer bastards they’re probably in the tents fuckin’ each other or some shit,” Pink scoffs, a slight smirk present on his face. It’s barely visible, but it’s there. A little more at ease, Brown manages a nervous chuckle and precedes to help his colleague holler for the other boys.

-

“Hey, what the fuck is this?! An orgy? We were fuckin’ stranded out there, didn’t you hear us yelling?”

Pink emerges from a few trees and stomps over to the campfire, a subtle shiver about him. Whether it’s from the temperature or the situation, the others can tell he’s shaken up. After a few seconds, Brown follows, looking equally as uneasy. “We yelled and yelled and none of you motherfuckers responded!” spits Pink, glaring at them all lying on their backs.

“Why are you guys lying like that?” Brown asks.

“Didn’t hear ya,” says Blonde. “Well, we did, but we thought it wasn’t important. You only went for a piss. A piss is a piss.”

White rests his head on his elbow, looking up at the two. “Did you get mauled by a bear?”

Pink scowls. “No.”

“So what’s the fuckin’ problem?”

“Fuck you guys, I’m goin’ to bed. Rather listen to Blue have a fuckin’ wet dream than be around you pieces’a shit. G’night,” he huffs, disappearing into the tent without another word.

“I think I’m gonna go to bed too, I’m tired,” Brown sighs. “And it was pretty scary out there. But it’s been a good night, thanks you guys.”

White smiles at him. “Thanks, kid. Have a good sleep.”

“Night, man,” adds Orange.

After exchanging a lot of goodnights with the other dogs, Brown crawls into the tent and, soon enough, the guys can hear him sleeping soundly– and by that I mean quietly snoring. “Don’t hafta see him to know his mouth’s wide fuckin’ open,” Orange jokes, looking across at the tent. He yawns, stretching out on his blanket. “I could sleep right here.”

“Yeah, me too, man,” Ed agrees.

“You guys are fuckin’ gay,” smirks Blonde, earning a slap on his cheek from Eddie. 

“Says the guy who tried to fuck me in Daddy’s office.”

“You little bastard–” Vic begins, a smile full of mischief appearing on his face. Two seconds later and they’re tumbling on the ground in a tangle of arms & legs while Mr. White & Orange sit watching, chowing down on some potato chips.

Orange leans in to speak to White, “I wish I’d have brought my camera, Joe’s reaction to this would’a been priceless.”

“Ah, that’s where you’re in luck, my friend,” White smirks, reaching over for his bag, “because I just so happened to bring my little Polaroid. Thought I’d never use it but I grabbed it on the way out just in case.” He hands it to Orange, who promptly squints into the viewfinder and snaps a picture. The second the flash goes off, both Ed and Vic’s heads snap round to look at the two laughing guys, utterly confused. 

“What the fuck are you two doin’? Did you just take a fuckin’ picture of us?” Eddie asks, eyes wide and curious. 

“Might have done.”

“Give it here, I wanna see if I look like a fatass.” Eddie scrambles for the camera, but Orange holds it out of his reach. Besides, White has the polaroid in his pocket. “Give it, motherfucker!”

Mr. Blonde is lying on his back now, hands behind his head and watching them squabble. “Forget it, Ed,” he says suavely, “you’ll look like a fatass either way.”

“Queer.”

“Asshole.”

The four share a chuckle, obviously not meaning anything by the bickering. With a yawn, Orange grabs a blanket and begins to stand up. “I’m fuckin’ exhausted, I’m going to bed. See you assholes tomorrow,” he snickers.

“I’ll join you,” White replies. “G’night, you two.” His laughter lines showing a little more after the night’s dumb escapades. He and Orange disappear into their tent as Vic & Eddie insult them goodnight. It’s quiet after that, the two remaining guys lying looking up at the stars, utterly mesmerised. The campfire crackles scarcely and, after hoisting blankets over themselves, the boys accidentally fall asleep in the midst of the night. 

**Author's Note:**

> OK RIGHT i’ve just finished writing this post but i think i’mma do it as a 2 part thing bc i feel like this is pretty long for one of my fics. like the next morning/travelling home etc will be in part 2 :) \DKLASJLKDA I WANNA GO CAMPING W THESE PRICKS NOW LOL


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